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Even as a child I was taught that dying isn't a bad thing.  Totally frightening, yes, but not bad.  In my humanities class in high school, our teacher had us think about religion being something society holds on to in order to face death.  It is what gives us the confidence to know what is going to happen in the unknown.  Not having control of any situation is a struggle for humans.  We are , in our daily lives, able to control what we eat, wear, when we sleep, who we talk to, what career we want, etc. etc.  This must be why we have such a fear of the unknown.  Its like jumping over a cliff blindfolded, we can't prepare for it and we have no one to ask about what it is like afterwards. 

People's religion is what they have to hold on to in order to not feel completely blindsided by death.  Have you ever noticed that when you challenge someone's beliefs, a guard is immediately set up.  You have not only just challenged beliefs for this life, but you have tried to make holes in their lifeline to their eternity.  One way or the other, most individuals have some thoughts on what happens after they die, whether it be eternity with a divine being or absolutely nothing happening. No wonder we have such rituals and initiations in different cultures, this is eternity we are talking about.

In many religions, an honorable death is seen as the greatest a person can have.  Even in our own culture, when a man or women dies for their own, they are a hero.  I saw this as the "home-work" that we were talking about in class the other day.  An individual will do anything to get home, but will also do anything to keep the ones at home safe.  Working for the safety of those at home.

I saw this on a girls blog, not from our class, the other day and it struck me.  It is a quote from Chief Tecumseh, of the Shawnee tribe. 


So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and
Demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life,
Beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and
Its purpose in the service of your people. 
 
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
Even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and
Bow to none. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and
For the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks,
The fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing,
For abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. 
 
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts
Are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes
They weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again
In a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." 

Die like a hero going home.  Be ready for death and constantly work at getting home, just as Odyseus did in going home to Penelope. 

Structure

Last night I blogged on school and things I thought might fall under the category of rituals, because honestly, I wasnt sure what my "rituals" were.  After reading the blogs of a couple of my classmates, though, I think I understand more of what this assignment was about.  If I had to say one thing about my life during the school year, it would be that everything is very carefully planned and timed.  I dont have much free time so the time I do have is dedicated to homework and finishing errands that I need to complete.  Every morning, except for Tuesday, I get up at 4 A.M.  I first get dressed and then go downstairs and eat.  I usually have a time frame for how long I should be in the kitchen,  until 4:45, at the latest.  By 5 I head outside to start my car to let it warm up then come back inside to pack everything I need for the day.  At 5:25, I make sure I am out the door and on the way to the school.  Monday Wednesday and Friday are the same every week.  I am at the gym from 6:45 until 7:30.  Then I grab a coffee from either the sub or the library.  Then its class, the gym, class agian and finally going to pick up the little girl I babysit from school and work until six.  Even at work I have timelines for myself in tasks I have to complete before the end of the day.  The evenings after work are the only times that I dont have a strict schedule for myself.  Although this probably makes my life sound a bit boring, it makes juggling everything much more bareable and I have always thrived on schedules and times.

When thinking of rituals in this light, it makes makes me much more aware of the presence of them in my own daily functioning.

Pain and Pressure

At this point in the semester things are starting to become even more difficult in the studying aspect of school.  Everything is starting to ramp up, even though it isn't even the middle of the school year, and the tension in everyone's faces is starting to appear.  While it isn't as bad as during dead week (or preparation week as I have also heard it called), it still doesn't feel pleasant.  My goal of not drinking a strong, espresso loaded coffee every morning has been left in the dust and the drink has now become vital, a recurring ritual if you may. 

In class, when talking about habits, or rituals, Fallon had said that make-up was a ritual for her.  While this seemed the most appropriate and straightforward of common rituals for females, I would be lying if I said I took the time to do my make-up every day.  Some mornings it is nothing more than looking in the mirror and making sure I don't look too scary before heading to class.  So once again I was stuck with the lingering question of what my ritual was.

Today in class, though, the wheels started to turn.  Every Tuesday and Thursday I have an Anatomy and Physiology Lab.  Currently, we are learning about the bones of the axial and appendicular skeleton.   While my lab partner and I worked on the bones of the legs, pubic arch and upper extremities, I happened to look over and see one of our TA's leaning over with her arms in a movement resembling holding a heavy burden on her back.  In one of her hands she held a vertebrae, which I quickly recognized as the first cervical vertebrae, or the atlas. 

It is named so because it is the first bone to come in contact with the sphere- like skull, and is responsible for holding it upright. 

But the thing about the bone that sparked my attention mostly, was the mythological connection between this bone, that is so vital in our ability to function the way we do.  What my TA was showing, as she bent over, was the position that Atlas, the titan from Greek mythology was punished to for eternity by Zeus, or the Roman Jove.   Atlas made a mistake that Tiresias made, taking the wrong side.  In a war between the Titans and Olympians, Atlas was on the side of the Titans, and when he and his comrades lost, he was punished by being made to hold the sky on his shoulders.  The common interpretation of his story now is seen by his holding of the world on his shoulders. 

Atlas

Although Atlas brought his punishment upon his own shoulders, I did start to think about initiations as a burden in some ways.  It is obvious that the weight of the world is painful to Atlas.  I just started to think about school related to a painful pressure that students experience, but in the long run students then become a part of a greater group of educated individuals.  A student wanting to go to Medical school must make it through this rite of passage in order to be deemed as fit to serve others a medical provider.  This leads back to the school being our Alma Mater.  At the end of these few years we have here we will go through a ceremony and then on to the next step, which will also have a beginning middle and end.

Names

Today I was reading the story of David and Michal in the bible and was surprised by a couple of things.   I have read this book before, but this time I read it a little closer.  The story is the book of second samual and talks about the Ark of the covenant is brought back to Jeruselum.

This past weekend I feel as though I spent the majority of my weekend studying for my anatomy and physiology class.  If there is one thing I will take away from this class it is the importance of the meaning of words.  When learning a definition, there are clues about the that term hidden within its name.  My parents were and are firm belivers in the importance of the meaning of names and tell me stories of how long it took them to pick names, all based on the meaning.  Coming from a very Christian home,  all of my siblings have names with Hebrew roots.  My name, Rachel Anne, means lamb and motherly.  From this my parents believed thst like in biblical stories a lamb is meek, quiet gentle and easily imposed on.  I had to laugh because the quiet part is true at times and for the last part that is most definetely true.  The second part of my name, Anne or motherly, is right on too.  In fact for my job I am a nanny. But what led me to look into this was seeing the meaning of King David's name, beloved.  David, though a man of war, was beloved to God and his name fit perfectly to his being.

But then I started to think about all the names of the gods in The Metamorphosis. Cupid means desire or lust. Juno is associated with the meaning of to aid.  There seems to be a direct correlation between people and the meaning of their names.  Is it truely that important, or is it just by chance that this occurs?

Valentines Day... Joy

Well, my "favorite" holiday has come and gone. Thank goodness. It has been a holiday that I have never really liked, and must admit, have avoided as much as possible.  Most years, the only reason I have looked forward to the said Holiday was because it feel on the weekend of State Wrestling.  Kind of Ironic, isn't it, that on a holiday dedicated to love I enjoyed a violent sport. 

This year was a little different, though, because not only did the tournament fall on the weekend before, but I didn't have an individual to watch.  This year, therefore, I spent my time at Wild Joe's Coffee shop on Mainstreet studying for the test in this class.

I was struck by one of those moments, though, when I was going over the story of Apollo and Daphne.  Here is a holiday that Cupid is most involved in and yet I run in the opposite direction.  I am just very glad its over.

Insignificantly Significant

This evening I went out to look at stars.  Yes, I realize it would have been easier to do so on Friday right after class and then had the whole weekend to write this.  But on Friday I could have been found in bed at 8:30, p.m. not a.m.  And in a similar pattern, the same thing happened Saturday night except that I fell asleep on the couch with my Anatomy and Physiology book nestled in my lap.  Therefore, as a product of elimination, I waited until tonight at seven to drive up near the hospital and look at the stars on the hill overlooking Bozeman.  It was breathtaking, not only was Bozeman lit up, but the stars were bright and the air was crisp.  The sight of stars reminded me of home.  In fact as Autumn and I sat on a bench looking out across the hill towards Bozeman then looked back at the sky, we reminisced of a summer two years ago where she, her cousin, and I had sat in the field behind my house and watched as shooting star after shooting star had passed overhead.  Tonight was different, though.  We sat with our hot chocolate I had packed in coffee mugs, huddled first over my phone trying to find the Callisto and Arcus, then excitedly pointing at the different stars.  We found Callisto easily but had a harder time trying to pick out Arcus. 

We then moved over to see Orion and his belt and sword. Throughout the pointing and laughing as I especially tried to make shapes from random bundles of stars, the laughter and lightness continued.  The conversation soon turned deeper, though.  What started as memories of past nights turned into deeper subjects of the future and our outlook on life.  We started to talk about how each of us had changed in the past few years.  

One of the things I had discovered, or maybe just uncovered a little more, this weekend, was how everything is connected.  In another one of my classes, my homework for the weekend was to do peer evaluations on leadership skills for every one of my classmates.  As I looked through the categories, it surprised me on how much I was basing their skills not only on how they conducted themselves in the class and lab environment, but how they conducted themselves outside of class and personally as well.  There is no separation of personal life from your professional life.  How you conduct yourself in one area will reflect in the other.  Especially in a small town or college campus where everyone knows everyone else, just like in the town I grew up in.  I had also been talking about this with a classmate from a different class as we studied my Anatomy and Physiology material for an upcoming test.  She agreed with me, saying that your personal and private life together makes your reputation.  Decisions you make affect everyone around you.
 






Growing up, my dad always referred to it as the ripple affect.  A decision you make affects the person next to you and moves to the people next to them and so on and so forth.  Whether good or bad decision, it will cause an impact on the people and environment around you.  A question posed by the classmate from above as we studied cells from the body was what if we, ourselves, are parts of a larger cell that makes up the universe.  Over the past few weeks, this class has covered the levels of organization in the body, starting from atoms and moving to an organism, also learning that cells are the most basic living structures in the body.  If cells make up the body in an organized manner, why can't we make up a cell that makes up the universe?  After she had asked this question, both I and the other person there stopped what we were doing to ponder this.  What if this was true? What if everything we do effects the "cell" we live in.  If we make wrong decisions, we cause the chance of the cell becoming "cancerous" to increase and every time we do something right we further the ability of the cell to help out the tissue it belongs to which in turn helps out the organ and organs system until the organism, or universe in this case, is furthered.  Looking at ourselves as a small piece of the universe makes me feels small and slightly insignificant.  But realizing that my decisions effect the productivity and cohesiveness towards a common goal makes me also realize how significantly important it is that I make decisions that positively influence those around me and work towards some unknown common goal. 


Insignificantly Significant.  I would say that this discovery was pretty neat for a half an hour out under the stars without boots or gloves on a Sunday night.

Puzzles

Last night I finally dreamed and remembered my dream.  I have been impatiently waiting for this since we received our assignment.  It isn’t very often anymore that I remember my dreams, but then most nights I only sleep very little.  Every weekend, though, when my hours of sleep increases to that of a normal person, I go to bed wondering if tonight will be the night that I remember a dream.  The funny thing, though, was last night I fell asleep on my couch while doing homework.  In the middle of the night I woke and moved myself to the longer couch with a blanket.  Then around six thirty, I awoke again to my alarm upstairs going off.  Just a moment before, I had been dreaming.  As I sprinted up the stairs to turn off the screaming clock, I had to smile to myself just because it had finally happened and I was going to be able to complete the assignment I had been hoping to work on for the last three weeks.

Even when I woke up, the dream was starting to fade, but then that’s what they always do.  I remember that I was in a uniform with my ROTC squad.  It was bright out and I had a pair of dark sunglasses on, but I still had to squint from the light.  Cradled against my elbow was a M16 that pulled my arm down heavily.  I was walking and laughing at something another team member had said.  The sun was hot on a dry and brown landscape. And then suddenly everything changed.  I was then in a stadium looking out over a meticulously groomed diamond.  Droplets from the sprinklers across the field sparkled in the ever bright sunshine creating a prism affect.  The dark brown of the baseline and mound complemented the green of the expansive grass.  I looked next to me and said something to the man standing next to me.  He was childhood friend in a uniform that matched the one on the scoreboard.  I can’t hear what he is saying, or I don’t remember it, but I can see a sparkle in his eyes and his enthusiasm about something, most likely the game that is soon to begin.  People begin to trickle into the stadium and he starts to walk away.  Even though I don’t hear conversation, I know it is that he is headed to the locker rooms.  Then the scene fades again.  I am back in a uniform again, but the environment is once again different.  I am in a hospital, working with patients.  I see myself around equipment for Physical Therapy and the patients in the room with me repeating the exercises that I give them.  Suddenly someone enters the room and I feel the need to leave.  An unknown emergency has occurred, but I don’t know what it is.  All I know is that it is including a person I care for and I am torn between staying with my patients and going to the site of the emergency.  Right before I make a decision, I am woken up by alarm clock. 

I wish dreams were less confusing.  They are always a puzzle to me.  For as long as I can remember, I have never made a definite decision in a dream.  Just about the time that I am going to concrete something in that world, the dream either ends, I am woken up, or I move to a new scene.  It makes me wonder if dreams are the questions that you ask yourself, but never let a decision be made.  They seem to be played over and over to yourself, whether in a dream form or subconsciously in the back of your mind, ever present, but not always a consciously available.   Frustrating.  An ever present impossible puzzle.